Everywhere you go now, you almost always see someone talking on a blue tooth headset and it's usually in a case that they don't need it: just standing around with nothing in their hands, waiting in an elevator, going to the bathroom. You get the picture. Well, here's five things to do to make them stop talking on this when not needed:

Act Like You Are Part of the Conversation

Simply start acting like instead of talking on the headset, they are talking to you. For instance:

Them: Hi! How's it going.

You: Well, not so good, my house got bulldozed by angry Satan worshipers. How are you?

Them: Glad to hear it, I'm doing good.

You: Did you get your gonorrhea checked out ok?

From there, hopefully they will realize that it is them that you are talking to and vacate.

Scream Every Time They Say a Specific Word

Pretty easy, to do just make sure that it's something that they will probably say a lot, like the, a, or uh. More examples:

Them: Hi Bill, did you get the (SCREAM) contract? I don't know what that was. I'm at the (SCREAM) airport waiting for them to start boarding the (SCREAM) plane. What the (SCREAM) hell are you doing?

Yeah, that last one was directed towards you.


Act Like You're Starting a Conversation With Them, but Fake the Headset

The thing that annoys me most about headset wearers is when they leave the headset on when they aren't using it. This is perfect for them. Just walk up to them and say, "Hey" and when they answer back, have a totally different conversation. Then stop and point to your ear and say, "Oh, I'm on my blue tooth". It probably works best if you have something that you can use as a prop for a headset. I find it most confusing to people when I hold up a ball point pen up to my ear and pretend that it is my headset. I usually get some strange looks from it.

Make Sex Noises in the Background When they are on a Call

This seems pretty self explanatory and I'm surprised that you didn't think of it yourself honestly.


Grab the Headset Out of Their Ear

You should only do this is you are prepared to go to jail for theft and possibly assault, but if you're ready for that then grab it out of their ear and act like you don't know what it is. Pretend that you think it's some sort of parasitic robot and that you're trying to save them from having their brains eaten out. Run towards the bathroom and tell them the only way to kill it is to dunk it underwater. If you don't want to go too far, trip and accidentally drop it on the way there so that they have a chance to get it back.

Well, that's the five. Quick and dirty, just like you like it.