I have already told you about the band Not Ned and if you haven't read the column then go check out the archives for that column or leave me the hell alone. Wait, dearest readers, I didn't mean to insult you. Just mildly irritate you. So strike the leave me the hell alone comment and replace it with something that will accomplish the desired result and we will go on.

We were always pretty desparate for shows to play at, mainly because we were too lazy to get up off our asses and find places to play at. LeWayne came in one day, man that guy's name still cracks me up, he came in and said that he had a PAID gig all lined up and it was in Wichita Falls. Well this was great news, not only would we be a paid band, but a travelling one as well. Then he told us where we would be playing. Apparently the high school that he used to go to someone would always throw a party for the graduates with beer and other sorts of alcohol. At any rate, they were looking for someone to play there for entertainment.

We were a little wary but then Greg piped up that we would "Rock those high schoolers!" No one could really argue with his logic at the time and so the date was set. We made all the preparations for roadies (Levi and Krambeck), transportation and security (many people from the Delta lodge in Denton, TX). We were ready.

The only problem was that when we set out for our $200 gig there were over twice as many people following us than there were actually in the band. Not such a bad thing, if no one showed up we at least had an audience of 10-15 people that we could count on. We even had our own Not Ned caravan.

We arrived at the farm that the party was going to be held at and they showed us to our stage. I use this term lightly. I would be more appropriate in saying rotting carcass of metal and wood. It was an old flatbed trailer that had definitely seen better days. It looked as if it had come to rest where it was and hadn't moved in about ten years. So as you might guess it wasn't really what you would call stable. If you walked to heavy it would sway a little bit. Not such a great prospect for would be rock stars. Would be.

We waited a couple of hours and people started arriving in varying stages of drunk. The show started and went ok. We had a continual flux of about five people watching the show at a time. Every so often someone from the crowd would ask us if we knew any Pantera. Occasionally you would just hear the scream, "Cowboys from Hell!!" Looking at the crowd it didn't suprise me. It was bumpkin squared.

At one point we actually had about 12 or 15 people watching the show and thought we were doing really well. Then Greg broke a string. Mike tried to desparately cling to the people that were watching and told Ed, LeWayne (hahahaha), and I to start jamming. Then he pulled up a couple of girls from the audience and had them start dancing on the stage. Now remember what I said about the sturdieness of the stage earlier. Not a good thing to have a couple of high school girls bouncing around on it. Perhaps now is the time that I should mention my amplifier. I don't know why, maybe self esteem issues, maybe a feeling of sexual inadequacy or maybe I just felt that I had to flaunt what I had but I had a really large amp. It was about five and a half feet tall and as soon as the stage started swaying, so did it. I did my best to keep it from falling over as I continued to play, and I'm sure I looked pretty funny leaning up against the amp straining against the weight while still trying to keep a steady rhythm. I did actually keep it upright though.

Greg finally got his guitar restrung and we continued playing. We had not only been able to keep our small crowd, but it had actually grown by a few people. We felt like the kings of rock and roll. But it was short lived because a fight broke out front and all of our fans ran to see it. Hell, our drummer even left to see it. I think that is what you might categorically classify as the end of the show.

Mike and Greg went to talk to the hosts of the party about payment and were promptly told that the $200 that we were expecting was now $50. That wasn't even enough for the 20 of us to get hotel rooms with enough space. They argued back and forth and finally talked the people up to $100. Which for some reason we thought was enough. We stayed in Wichita Falls overnight and left in the morning. There was one less truck in the morning, but everything was still able to make it back alright, plus a couple of speeding tickets.

That was really the last time that Not Ned played together. Shortly after, LeWayne (it still makes me laugh) had his drums pawned for him by his drug dealer for a debt. Greg started developing his imaginary afflictions, and Ed became a workaholic. When it all comes down to it, I had a lot of fun in that band, but I'm glad that it ended when it did. If we continued to get paying gigs like that it would have driven me to be and actual go getter buisness type. Alls well that ends well I suppose and sometimes it's well when it doesn't end well.